Commentators. Using their expert knowledge of racing and free food passes they’re the essential connective-tissue between what’s happening on track and us – the stupid viewer.
But do they have a tendency to over cliche? We at MGPNews think so! So here’s our definitive guide to the top MotoGP commentator cliches and what they actually mean.
“The next Marc Marquez”
When is it said: When any junior rider performs well in the Moto3 class
Typically said about: David Alonso
Notes: If any rider, especially if Spanish, starts dominating the Moto3 class then he’s instantly given the “next Marc Marquez” badge. This is primarily done so if, several years down the line, the rider actually IS the next Marc Marquez the commentator can smugly claim that they said it back when the rider was in Moto3…conveniently overlooking all the ‘next Marc Marquez’s’ that ended up not being the ‘next Marc Marquez’.
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀
“You can’t teach a slow rider to go fast. But you can teach a fast rider how not to crash”
When is it said: When a commentator’s favourite rider falls off unaided whilst leading
Typically said about: Any half decent British rider – Lowes brothers, Jake Dixon…
Notes: The famous Kenny Roberts reference is probably the most overused (and wrongly worded) quote in MotoGP. It said as a feeble justification to when a favourite rider falls off…again.
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀🧀🧀
“To finish first, you must first finish”
When is it said: When a rider falls off in a crumpled heap whilst challenging for the lead
Typically said about: Jorge Martin
Notes: This quote is in direct conflict to the Kenny Roberts one above. However this is used far more pompously when the commentator doesn’t really like the fallen rider.
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀🧀
“The throttle works both ways”
When is it said: When a rider uses stupidity fuelled bravery to cause a crash
Typically said about: Always Morbidelli
Notes: A smug little ‘after the event’ saying that goes against everything motorcycle racers believe in.
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀
“Let the brake off”
When is it said: When a rider piles up the inside of another rider and they both end up going wide
Typically said about: Probably Marc Marquez
Notes: Makes it sound so easy – why doesn’t every rider do this?
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀
“It’s a great circuit but it’s nothing like the original track”
When is it said: When at a circuit that previously had a longer, more dangerous layout
Typically said about: Assen
Notes: The commentator in this case is always a mid-level ex-racer that had previous knowledge of the longer layout. It’s a classic self-big-up that makes out that the commentator is brave and raced without fear of being mangled back in the day…not like the puffs riding these days.
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀🧀🧀
“He’s a Sunday man”
When is it said: Aimed at a rider who has yet another bad qualifying but makes a half decent start
Typically said about: Brad Binder
Notes: “Sunday man” also translates to “Lacks one-lap pace”
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀🧀
“Last of the late brakers”
When is it said: When a rider is good on the brakes
Typically said about: Toprak Razghagfadsfaergla24fsdu
Notes: Contender for the most overused quote that everyone now filters out because we’ve heard it so often.
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀🧀🧀
“This is proper elbows-out racing”
When is it said: When there’s some borderline dangerous riding.
Typically said about: Marc Marquez
Notes: This quote is used when the commentator wants to justify his favourite rider pulling off some dirty moves.
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀🧀
“He wanted the win more”
When is it said: When a Moto3 rider wins a furious last lap battle
Typically said about: Any rider, makes no odds
Notes: An utterly stupid quote that suggest the winner won the race by wanting to win more than his rivals…but if any of his rivals wanted the win even more then they’d have won instead.
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀
“You couldn’t make it up”
When is it said: When something remotely off-script happens. Like a downturn in results followed by a crash.
Typically said about: Pecco Bagnaia
Notes: Given the fact that any of us could write a script where monkeys from a dystopian future are battling sentient sandwich toasters to harness the moon’s gravity then we could also probably write one that involves a rider having a bad day and falling off.
Cheese rating: 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀
