Something very unexpected happened at Brno this weekend – Joan Mir was knocked off before he had a chance to fall off himself. But even stranger than that was that the once-rated Italian Enea Bastianini wasn’t awful…in fact he was quite good.
So far this season Bastianini’s official Dorna rating has remained at ‘Steaming Dog Turd’ with the Italian limping around at the back of every race trying to understand his KTM and career choices. Things then turned worse in Germany when the pint-sized Italian was whisked away before the start of the weekend by krankenwagen to the krankenhaus with a suspected appendicitis.
However the Tech 3 rider returned to Brno and confessed that he hadn’t had an appendicitis after all but instead had had “trouble with chicken”. Initially it was presumed by this Bastianini had eaten some dodgy poultry whilst in Germany that had not been prepared in a hygienic manner – also known as “eating in India”….but there’s now a suggestion that Enea’s seemingly innocent remark could have meant something completely different. He’s had a fight with a massive cock!
The theory emerged after Bastianini’s sudden upturn in pace in the Czech Republic that saw him go from ‘Bradley Smith’ to podium finisher in the sprint race with no real on-track explanation. How could a cheeky batch of salmonella improve a rider’s performance?
The more logical reason is that the Italian somehow ended up fighting an aggressive chicken. Whether planned or not is currently unknown but the poultry punch-up could have finally fired up the ‘slow starting’ Enea and got the adrenalin pumping leading to his rapid performance upturn.
Furthermore this would explain how Bastianini had noticeably lost weight at Brno yet somehow appeared leaner and fitter.
“It could very well have happened” explained MGPNews’ veterinarian scuffle expert. “Enea is very small, even by ‘Japanese heavy smoker’ standards and some of these chickens that are bred for consumption* are massive so the initial perceived size disparity is actually negligible. Furthermore these big cocks for eating are often pumped up with steroids leaving them walking around with their wings out staring at everyone. I’d bet my career this is exactly what happened.”
Regardless of the actual details a small subset of MotoGP fans were infuriated by the events that Enea had endured.
“It’s typical isn’t it?” bemoaned one viewer from the behind the safety of their keyboard. “The vulgar Spanish are known for eating and fighting every kind of animal unlike us Italians who are more refined. So when giant chickens and the like turn up and start kicking off it’s obvious that the Spanish will have an unfair advantage. It’s yet another example of how Dorna favour their own – especially Marquez.”
* Note for our Australian readers: This means ‘to be put on the barbeque’
