Before a wheel has turned or towel placed down it already seems certain that Marc Marquez will dominate at the SausageRing this weekend. The Ducati rider loves this place – why?
✅ Loads of lefthanders
✅ Twisty and annoying
✅ Many slow speed corners to punt off rivals
✅ Every other rider hates it
So how can Marc’s rivals have any chance of winning this weekend and thus wiping the smug grin off the face of the Spanish Antichrist? Easy! A good old German Beer Festival!
If Marc can be convinced to ‘immerse himself in local culture’ and attend a local beer festival we feel there’s enough pitfalls to see the Spaniard fail on track. Let us explain:
Beer maidens
One of the many excellent elements of a German Beer Festival is the abundance of attractive ladies carrying big steins of beer around in low cut tops. What’s not to like? Well quite a lot if you’re an annoying flag waving lefty. Luckily these beautiful buxom women have yet to be replaced by black men in wheelchairs forcing us to enjoy the spectacle whilst we still can.
How can this stop Marc winning?
It’s feasible that whilst his girlfriend Gemma is at the toilet Marc could accidentally catch a glimpse of a beer maiden bending over to deliver some ice-cold refreshment. The view of the beautiful maiden’s semi-exposed golden globes could prove too tempting for the Ducati rider to break his gaze from…unaware that Gemma had returned from taking the brown bins out.
A punch in the peeper could be the reward for Marquez’s wandering gaze which, if past medical history has taught us anything, might result in his eye falling out again.
Sausage intake
Sausages are Germany’s favourite food – not because of the taste but because it’s the most efficient way to consume all of an animal with the smallest surface area. It’s all about the efficiency.
What it’s not about though is quality. There are about one million different variety of sausages in Germany all of which are made from the foulest ‘cuts’ of meat and chemically bloated anus. Hence the name ‘Wurst’.
How can this stop Marc winning?
We all know that back in the day Sete Gibernau was said to love German sausage and would often overindulge on them. So it stands to reason that Marc, being Spanish too, could also get carried away consuming these grilled offal tubes of internal misery.
All very well until the next day. Friday free practice could easily end up a lot ‘freer’ than Marquez would ever want which could give his rivals a significant advantage.
Oompah band injury
How could spending time with a load of drunk Germans explaining in great depth the efficiency of their town’s recycling facilities ever become more annoying? Introduce an Oompah band!
Clad in cosplay children-sized lederhosen that scream “fashion peak: 1850” the Oompah band keep the beer fest vibes alive, ensuring no ear escapes the relentless cheer of their schnitzel-fuelled serenades.
How can this stop Marc winning?
Marc, now drunk on beer and blood poisoned by sausage, could easily immerse himself even more by insisting he joins the band. But this could be a one-way trip to the local krankenhaus. A few too many overly enthusiastic squeezes on the accordion or lateral pulls on the flugelhorn could certainly see Marquez’s dodgy shoulder snap off again.
Spanish civil war ruckus
Back in 1936, when Jeremy McWilliams was well into his professional motorcycle racing career, the Nazi’s provided military support to the Nationalist forces led by General Franco in the Spanish civil war. This was mainly seen as a testing ground for equipment and tactics by the Krauts before they kicked off with their 1939 “go big or go home” campaign.
How can this stop Marc winning?
If Marquez knows his history half as badly as what we do at MGPNews.com then the alcohol in his bloodstream could enrage him enough to seek retribution by starting a punch up with a local with the worst haircut…leading to an all-out brawl.
With Marc’s aforementioned tendency of having his eye fall out or shoulder snap off it’s very likely that the Spaniard would pick up a weekend ruining injury from a tuba blow or thrown swastika badge.
Hangover
Ultimately the main aim of any German at a beer festival is to get so drunk that you momentarily forget you’re German and all those things you know your grandfather did but never spoke of.
How can this stop Marc winning?
A stinking hangover can last days. Even if it just lasts one day Marc could end up missing all free practice instead choosing to sit in his motorhome drinking tea and watching back-to-back episodes of ‘man verses food’.
