In a surprise move, Liberty Media have ordered Dorna to release plastic dolls of various MotoGP media personalities in time for Christmas. In this article, we take a look at AI images of the new merchandise.
Doll Reviews
Let’s take a look at each MotoGP journo doll that Dorna has released. We’ll reveal the accessories that they come with and find out what catchphrase they say when you pull the string on their backs.
Suzi Perry
With the glamorous new Suzi doll, you can interview your cat and goldfish to find out their opinions about Sepang 2015. If you’re a Valentino Rossi fan, you can use the doll to show your psychiatrist where Marc Marquez touched you.
Accessories: TV camera
Catchphrase: “Shut up, Hodgson, you muppet!”
Mat Oxley
If you like drinking beer and swearing (and who the f*** doesn’t?) then the Oxley doll is the one for you. Guaranteed to enrage any MotoGP PR staff within cursing distance.
Accessories: Beer, typewriter, beer, Isle of Man TT trophy and beer.
Catchphrase: “Off the record my f***ing a***!!!”
Peter Bom
You’ll have your own personal Data Guy with this doll. Talk to it about tuned mass dampers, or make it shake its fist at the TV screen when Franky Morbidelli gets signed for yet another undeserved year in MotoGP.
Accessories: Dutch flag, laptop with squiggly lines on the screen.
Catchphrase: “How de f*** do I say dis f***ing sh** in f***ing Eengleesh???”
Journalist for The Race
Are you a thin-skinned, easily offended snowflake with a completely unhinged take on everything MotoGP? Then this is the doll for you!
Accessories: Pies, pride flags, pies, laptop and phone with which to block people on Twitter, pies.
Catchphrase: “That’s offensive!!! That’s offensive!!! Bwwaaawwwk!!!”
David Emmett
Are you much older and grumpier than the other 2 guys you always hang around with? Can you not be bothered travelling to flyaway races? Do you enjoy staying up till 3am writing a 120,000 word analysis of every 4-line Dorna MotoGP press release? This doll could become your mascot!
Accessories: BMW motorcycle, computer to do 1,400 column by 62,000 line VisiCalc spreadsheets of trivial MotoGP stats.
Catchphrase: “Bloody crowd figures! They’re a load of old bo***cks! Harrumph!!!”
Conclusion
It’s highly unusual to release merchandise of the journalists that follow a sport, but it shows how determined Liberty Media are to squeeze every last cent out of their new MotoGP division. We have to give them credit for this move. No matter what kind of fan you are, there’s a doll for everyone in the new MotoGP Journo merchandise line.
