Copy everything, change nothing
The Accordion Award If asthma was an instrument, it would be the accordion. The squeezable trainwreck of wheezes is the musical lovechild of a raccoon and a bagpipe that gatecrashes every café in France with unhinged glee. Oddly France adores this thing like its baguette-scented poetry. And what could be more French than a one-man…
Brittle reigning MotoGP champion Jorge Martin has pulled the ultimate “get out of jail free” card thanks to a contract clause letting him ‘do a runner’ if he’s not a MotoGP hotshot by the French GP. With the putrid smell of garlic now over the Spanish rider has chosen to ditch his team given he…
In a move that screams ‘we’re trying to look fair but didn’t think this through’, MotoGP has announced a new rule for 2025: riders who miss three or more Grand Prix races due to injury can now have a single day of testing to ‘get back up to speed.’ And nothing says ‘rehabilitation’ like a…
The Dropped Donkey Award All great Spanish fiestas include lobbing an unsuspecting donkey off a watchtower to the cheers of the none-vegan locals. But fear not – the cruel and barbaric tradition isn’t a waste! Once the splattered equine innards have been sufficiently picked over by the regional crows the remains are scraped up and…
It can’t have escaped your attention that Marc Marquez has been all over the place lately. Every weekend, he starts off looking dominant then either wins or crashes for no apparent reason. Quantum Physics is the study of sub-atomic particles. Technically, only Dani Pedrosa is subatomic, but with Danilo Petrucci’s departure, most of the MotoGP…
Nikolai Yezhov was the loveable pint-sized powerhouse of Joseph Stalin’s purges in the 1930’s. Nicknamed the “Poison Dwarf” for his short stature and venomous zeal Yezhov enthusiastically signed death warrants faster than wisdom chasing an Australian. However in a classic commie comedy mix-up Comrade Yezhov ’s purge-happy antics ended with himself on the ‘naughty list’…
A four-gone conclusion? Maybe so, but let’s hand out the MGPNews Qatari awards. The Magic Carpet Award As we all know before the pro-oil Hummer SUV arrived to grace Qatar the main form of transport around the nation’s building sites was the magic carpet. Cheap, silent and with zero-emissions the rugs of the sky…
Ooh la la! With the recent splendid news that the French GP will remain on the MotoGP calendar for another five years we at MGPNews are honouring our allium-scented chums with our list of six Le Mans facts you probably didn’t know. Henri’s Gate The original Le Mans circuit was over 100 miles long…
It’s been said that history doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme. When MotoGP visited the Circuit of the Americas, history’s breakfast repeated itself as Marc Marquez caused utter chaos and totally got away with it. Let’s analyse what happened using a series of rhyming headings: Sheeting Rain turned the Texan tarmac into a skating…
The awards for the Grand Prix of the Americas are now in Smoked Meats Award Texans love barbequed meat. Those following the Lone Star pride fondly refer to steak as ‘the thinking man’s salad’ as the locals worship brisket like it’s the second coming of the Alamo. Meanwhile vegans go hungry. And rightly so….